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Learning how to Cope with Separation Anxiety

Starting daycare is a major life transistion for both youn children and their families. Change, even when it as a positive change, can be stressful. In many cases this may be the first time a child is away from the secure and loving arms of their family. Both the hcild and parents may experience anxiety about starting a daycare experience. Parents want to know that their child will be in a loving and safe environment when the child is not in their direct care. It is not uncommon for parents to feel guilty about placing the child in a daycare program, thus making the farewell more difficult.

Useful Tips for Parents

• Make the first day a first week: One of the most successful strategies for alleviating separation anxiety is to make the break slowly. If at possible start your child's daycare experience slowly. Maybe only an hour the first day, two hours the next, until the child is comfortable remaining in care the full day.
• Leave something behind: Sometimes called transitional objects of comfort can ehlp a child feel secure. Many parents find that an object that helps the child remember the parent is of great benefit. These "remembrance" objects may include photos or an object of the parents clothing.
• Recognize your own feelings: Your child is sensitive to your emotional state and attitudes. If you are apprehensive about the childcare program or how your child will adjust, you may unwillingly convey this to your child. Be sure to always talk to the child about enrolling them in a daycare program.
• Recognize your child's temperament: You know your child better than anyone else. Let your knowledge about your child's personality and temperament guide how you approach this transition. If your child is naturally somewhat shy and slow to warm up, then you will know tht you may need to take extra time in introducing your child to a new environment and new people.
• Reinforce a sense of trust with your child: Young children's separation anxiety is often closely tied to fears of abandonment. It is important that they know that you will be returning for them at a designated time. With an older child you can even point out on the clock when you will return or give them a concrete milestone such as, "I will be back for you right after lunch time." It may also be helpful to discuss with your child where you will be and what you will be doing during the time of separations. In any case remind your hcild that you will indeed return.
• Communicate with the caregiver: They are your greatest ally in making the separation a smooth and calm experience. Be sure to let them know if you have any specific concerns and needs. Don't be afraid to specifically request their assistance or guidance. Some caregivers will stand back until you directly say, "I am leaving now and I need you to hold Todd."
• Say Good-Bye: You may wish to warn the child that you wil lbe leaving in five minutes and you will be going to work. When it is time to go, say good-bye and go. Continued extensions to the separation seem only to add to anxiety and make the separation more difficult for the child. It is never suggested to "sneak" out. Regardless of how upset the child becomes, sneaking out only adds to their anxiety, increases fear of abandonment, and breaks down the child's sense of trust.